5 tips on how to improve your self-talk and relationships


October 14, 2019


5 tips on how to improve your self-talk and relationships

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Do you go through many moods each day? Are you upbeat one minute, but depressed the next?

While you could have a chemical imbalance or true psychological problem, you might just need to check your internal dialogue. What you say to yourself is very powerful.

For example, many scientists say that every single thought we think triggers a chemical reaction in the body. Good thoughts produce good chemistry. Bad thoughts result in feeling weird and unhappy.

Your moods can affect your choices, lifestyle, and relationships. For example, others will enjoy your company more if your moods are reasonably harmonious.

“People judge the success of your relationship with them based on how you make them feel,” says a psychologist we’ll call Karen. “Your moods can make others feel safe, hopeful, cared for. I have clients who always put their spouses and children in a bad mood. I help them change this.”

Karen says she has clients who, she knows, get up every morning ready to drag down their families. “They have a list of gripes for their spouse and kids before anyone can get to the breakfast table.”

She goes on to say: “We’re all guilty of this. Most of us get worked up just thinking about changes we need to make in our relationships. But, check your internal dialogue. Chances are, you’re not getting the outcomes you want. Negative thinking means you’re going to use the wrong words.”

These tips can help:

  • Tell yourself what you have to be grateful for. Reflect on good things in your life all day long.
  • Don’t be too harsh with people. Sure, your nephew might have gotten arrested for an offense, but keep telling him you have faith in him. Never act as if you’ve given up on someone.
  • Practice speaking positive sentences to yourself. Say silently, “I can do well in this business meeting today. I will try my best to contribute a few good ideas.” Don’t say, “This meeting will be a disaster.”
  • Write down your internal dialogue. Find a notebook to document your shaky thoughts and fears. Use code, so no one can read this, but review what thoughts might need some practical fine-tuning.
  • Have some faith. No one ever accomplished anything – from winning a ball game to hiking a large mountain – without feeding themselves powerful thoughts of “I can do this”.

“I’ve noticed that I can tell the type of thinking my employees engage in,” says a business owner we’ll call Jeana. “I can tell when someone has been in a bad mood before they arrived at work.”

Jeana says that happy people in her office give this feeling to her: “I’ve been dwelling on positive thoughts, and I plan to stay in this mood as much as I can.”

Most of us can spot a person like this in a crowd. We can tell quite easily that they practice “happiness” on a regular basis. Their face lights up when they talk with others, and they look like nothing will get them down for long.

“I’ve noticed that people with happy-looking faces get hired more easily,” says a job coach we’ll call Jennifer.

“People like to hire those who infuse positive energy into their work environment.”

Think of positive words as a “tool” that costs absolutely nothing. But this tool can move your world in the right direction.


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