KATHMANDU: Sudarshan Pariyar (name changed) was sexually abused by his uncle starting at the age of 11.
His uncle would give him chocolates, sometimes take him for walks, and feed him sweet snacks.
The bond between uncles and nephews is generally close, with uncles often serving as both parental figures and friends.
His uncle began talking to Sudarshan about sex and encouraged him to watch pornography, claiming it would be fun.
However, Sudarshan did not like his uncle’s behavior. He wasn’t sure if it was something he should protest or not. Although he was a minor, he found the videos uncomfortable.
He couldn’t talk to anyone about it. His uncle exploited this silence, finding various excuses to get close to him.
While showing him the videos, his uncle also acted out the scenes. Sudarshan felt something was wrong, but his uncle reassured him that having fun wasn’t wrong. He pressured Sudarshan to keep the matter a secret from the family.
Sudarshan repeatedly told his uncle to stop. He said the acts were painful for him. But his uncle insisted it would be difficult at first but would become enjoyable over time.
With his uncle’s relentless persistence, Sudarshan began to worry. Would this continue forever? Was this what life was supposed to be like? These troubling thoughts began to overwhelm him.
The abuse from his beloved uncle consumed Sudarshan’s childhood. He lost focus on his studies, stopped playing with his friends, and spoke less with his family.
After hearing the victims’ voices at the program, CPN-UML leader and Member of the House of Representatives, Shobha Gyawali, committed to working towards the creation of a law that also addresses the needs of children.
At an age when he should have been learning, playing, and building his future, he was instead enduring both physical and mental suffering.
His childhood laughter faded. He found himself wondering: Who could he turn to? Who could protect him? Who would remind his uncle that this was a crime?
He sought a way out, and in desperation, turned to a relative, Rahul Pariyar (name changed).
Rahul was passionate about human rights and frequently read and discussed related topics.
Sudarshan confided in Rahul about the abuse his uncle had inflicted on him. Rahul had heard of child abuse cases but found it entirely different to hear about such abuse happening within his own family.
Both the abuser and the victim were part of the same family. Despite this, Rahul remained steadfast in his belief in justice and advocated for Sudarshan’s right to justice.
However, no one believed that his uncle was capable of committing such a crime. Many people couldn’t fathom that a boy could be sexually abused by another man.
His uncle was known for being friendly, mischievous, and social. He mingled with everyone in the family and among relatives, making it difficult for anyone to believe he could commit such a crime.
His uncle even argued that he hadn’t done anything wrong in front of the family, questioning, “Shouldn’t I love my nephew? Shouldn’t I take him for walks? Shouldn’t I feed him?”
He justified his actions as love rather than recognizing them as sexual violence.
Despite disagreements, it was decided to keep the incident a secret. Sudarshan’s parents chose not to report the crime, fearing it would damage the family’s reputation.
No matter how hard Rahul tried to explain the severity of the situation, his efforts were in vain. The parents refused to file a police report, placing family honor over justice.
When the incident became public, it was revealed that the victim’s honor would be tarnished. Honor became more important than justice.
However, it was not a mistake but a crime. The family did not understand that an apology is for a mistake, while a crime deserves punishment. No one considered the lifelong scars the victim would endure.
Even if the incident was a one-time occurrence, it would affect the victim for the rest of his life.
What should someone in his position do next? Stay silent? What should he do if the abuse repeats?
These thoughts lingered. He could never control the situation. The incident was kept quiet without any thought for the future.
The incident may have been a one-time event, but can the victim’s state of mind be silenced? Is a person powered by batteries or fuel? Who can silence him?
How can emotions remain quiet? No one tried to find answers to these questions.
Eventually, the uncle confessed to the crime. But he was merely told not to repeat it and was released after apologizing.
He was allowed to go free after covering the child’s therapy costs. Imagine what would happen if your 11-year-old child were experiencing sexual abuse.
What if the child were suffering in silence without your knowledge? Can we even begin to comprehend the pain? Rahul asked.
An organization called Sathsath, meaning “Together with Children,” which has been working with at-risk children for the past 26 years, hosted an event in the capital.
During this event, Rahul expressed his anger to the audience by recounting the sexual abuse of his own relative.
The program was attended by MPs, human rights activists, legal experts and other stakeholders working for children. It highlighted the fact that not only girls but also boys are subjected to violence.
Advocate Binu Lama’s views
Advocate Binu Lama highlights the statistics that one in every 11 children is subjected to sexual violence.
She states, “One in every 8 girls faces sexual violence. Similarly, one in every 11 children experiences sexual violence. The difference in sexual violence between boys and girls is not significant. However, the Children’s Act 2075 has overlooked the issue of child victims.”
According to subsection 3, anyone who engages in sexual behavior, exposes children to obscenity, entices or pressures them into sex, touches sensitive areas, or uses children to provoke sexual arousal, will be fined 75,000 rupees and imprisoned for 3 years.
“Despite being children, their plight has been ignored. There are shelters for girls who are victims of violence, but there is not a single shelter specifically for children,” Lama emphasized, stressing the need to amend the existing law to address sexual violence and abuse against children.
After hearing the victims’ voices at the program, CPN-UML leader and Member of the House of Representatives, Shobha Gyawali, committed to working towards the creation of a law that also addresses the needs of children.
She stated, “The existing law we had concerning children was suitable for its time. At that time, girls were facing widespread sexual violence, which is why the law was mainly designed to protect girls. However, now, as we hear about cases where children, both boys and girls, face sexual violence, it is clear that children should be given as much priority as girls when amending the law.”
She further mentioned that the law on children is currently in draft form and will be revised according to the current situation.
Similarly, another Member of the House of Representatives, Maoist leader Parbati Thapa, acknowledged that children were overlooked in the formulation of the law on children.
She said, “We believed that only girls were victims of sexual violence. While we focused on protecting girls when creating the law, we did not give enough attention to the serious issue of children as a whole being subjected to such injustice.”
Section 66 of the Child Act 2075 defines violence and sexual abuse against children as a crime.
According to subsection 3, anyone who engages in sexual behavior, exposes children to obscenity, entices or pressures them into sex, touches sensitive areas, or uses children to provoke sexual arousal, will be fined 75,000 rupees and imprisoned for 3 years.
Similarly, those who sexually exploit children or cause them to be exploited will face penalties equivalent to those for committing rape.
Using children to provide sexual services will result in a fine of 150,000 rupees and a 15-year prison sentence.
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