The therapists of Reddit have been asked the biggest mistakes parents make that “screw up” their kid and the answers are fascinating.

Here is a selection of the best replies to the intriguing request.

1. Never telling them when they get something right
Catch your kids being good! Parents are always telling kids what they did wrong. You have to balance it out by telling them what they are doing right.

2. Not letting them fail
Teaching them that failure is unacceptable/a sign of laziness or that they just didn’t want it enough. It results in people who can’t take no for an answer or stay it terrible situations because that’s what they’ve chosen so they have to make it work.

3. Not realizing you’re actually bullying your kids
Psychologist here, parents are frequently their child’s first bully. #1 thing is probably being too distracted by addictions, grief, mental health issues to be emotionally present for their child. Too many adults walking around unaware of their worth because they were never shown or told that they matter.

4. Trying to seem perfect
Failing to admit it when you’re wrong. Kids need to see adults fail and that be OK. Take your lumps with grace and they’ll learn to do the same as they get older.

5. Not dealing with their own emotions
Make the child take care of the parents’ emotions. It’s supposed to be the other way around. You control your sadness, anger, disappointment, don’t make your kid anticipate your emotional response and work to regulate you.

6. Telling them to ‘suck it up’
Ignoring a child’s emotional life by scolding them for having one or telling them to ‘suck it up’. It’s remarkable the number of clients I see that need to learn that having feelings is OK and not a cause for alarm or punishment.

7. Making excuses for them
The most common issue I come across is enabling children. Some parents have the ability to actually make excuses or reasons for every challenging behavior and place blame on other people. They are more interested in being seen as friends with their kids than actually parenting and seeing that their children are learning/making mistakes. It creates a type of child that is a lazy perfectionist, unwilling to be accountable or try anything outside of their comfort zone. I fear adulthood for these kids.

(Agencies)